Aluminum: A Very High Strength-to-Weight Ratio

It's great to have certain sit com episodes to turn to when your team is playing simply awful football. Rock at WFNY plays the perfect cards with his Festivus style lambasting of the Cleveland Browns.

Derek Anderson

“Betting Shop Guy: Hello again, Miss Benes.
Elaine Benes: What are you doing here?
Betting Shop Guy: Damndest thing. Me and Charlie were calling to ask you out, and, uh, we got this bagel place.
Cosmo Kramer: I told them I was just about to see you. It’s a Festivus Miracle!"

You know what else is a Festivus Miracle? Every time you complete a pass. I have never in my life seen such consistent ineptitude from a starting QB. EVER. No hyperbole, no exaggeration, no superfluous exclamations……you are playing the worst QB on a weekly basis that I have ever seen with my own eyes.

The Airing of Grevances [WFNY]

Against All Odds

Here we go again. Last week, we went 2-1 with a push. Depending on your counterparty, you either came out on top, or (at worst) broke even. I couldn't anticipate Trent Edwards getting decapitated, so that was a sunk cost from the beginning.

On to this week...

New Orleans (-7) over Oakland

Coming off of a loss, still at home. Marques Colston should return this week and Reggie Bush never left. This guy can win games on punt returns alone. Couple this all with the coaching issues in Oakland and the fact that Darren McFadden is not 100 percent, and this one should easily be by more than a touchdown.

St. Louis (+13.5) over Washington

In no way am I saying that the Rams will win. However, coming out of a bye week, I fully expect them to at least keep this one close. At least closer than two touchdowns. I have to assume that the Rams will win at least once this year. It wont happen now, but you have to love when you get two touchdowns from the get-go. Plus, it's not like the new guy has anything to lose.

San Francisco (+5) over Philadelphia

Second week in a row I'm taking the points against Andy Reid's boys. No Westbrook (for real this time) and no Reggie Brown. Desean Jackson should have a nice day, but Frank Gore will pick up right where Clinton Portis left off last week by running all over the birds. Isaac Bruce should be alright as well. Until Philly proves something, take the points every time. All of this will gear us up nicely for Monday, where...

New York (-7.5) over Cleveland

How this is just a touchdown-plus spread is beyond me. Did anyone see the first quarter of the preseason game? Sure, this one is in Cleveland, but as of right now there is likely no Kellen Winslow. Plaxico Burress is back and Brandon Jacobs is coming off of a huge week. Do your self a favor and parlay this one with the "over" on Plaxico's total receiving yards of 60.5. A great way to end the week...

Perhaps She Could Play Linebacker?

Yes...this is just another excuse to post this picture.

The Browns-Palin Paradox [WFNY]

Perhaps He's in the Wrong Business

Though the season is only five weeks old, we now have three weeks that have seen all-biceps referee Ed Hochuli blow a call. If a game-deciding call against the San Diego Chargers during week 2 wasn't enough, he later called a helmet-to-helmet penalty on Carolina's Julius Peppers that appeared to be more in the shoulder region. However, Ed continued to ice his creatine cake with last night's gaffe against the New Orleans Saints.

Minnesota linebacker Chad Greenway grabbed Reggie Bush's face mask before sliding his other hand around the flashy running back's body to force a fumble. The Vikings were awarded the ball, even though replays clearly showed the infraction - much to the chagrin of the home crowd.Penalties cannot be reviewed in the NFL's replay system.

Now, I have to agree with the fact that penalties cannot be reviewed. The games would last forever, and frankly there are bound to be non-calls. But when the NFL has changed the rules this season to incorporate larger punishments for facemask penalties, this is something that cannot be missed. But if that wasn't enough...

Later in the quarter, 2007 NFL Rookie of the Year Adrian Peterson appeared to fumble the ball as he was being tackled, but Hochuli ruled that although the ball was coming loose, Peterson still had it in his possession.

There is no doubt that every move Hochuli moves is under scrutiny. He's one of the NFL's most popular officials. However, if he keeps making the wrong calls in these games, one has to wonder what the future holds for the big man. This has been one heck of a season thus far, and we are not even half way through...

Against All Odds

Since we haven't really been doing features over this way in a while, I wanted to attempt to get some "Picks" back in to this piece. Last year was pretty successful, so starting this week, I'll give you four games that I think will be sound investments against the spread. What you do with them is up to you, as I obviously do not condone gambling of any type.

First, I recommend checking out MG's Gamblog, where he discusses the game between the Ohio State Buckeyes and Wisconsin Badgers. And for a little fun, he touches on the upcoming demise of the AFC North. Good times. On to my selections...

Washington (+6) over Philadelphia

The 'Skins topped the Cowboys last week, and while they travel to Philly this time around the liklihood of no Brian Westbrook continues to loom. We saw what Correll Buckhalter could (or couldn't) do against the Bears. We also saw the lack of yardage by Marion Barber against the Washington defense. I think Jason Campbell keeps Washington in this one close, if not on top. Take the points.

New England (-3) over San Francisco

They're coming off of a bye, allowing some time to get their shit together. I know that Matt Cassell isn't exactly Tom Brady...or even Greg Brady... but the talent on both sides of the ball for the Patriots simply has to top that of the Niners. I like Frank Gore, and he could chop up New England Ronnie Brown style. I just don't think it will lead San Fran to a win, or even a loss by less than three.

Tennessee (-3) over Baltimore

I'm just not buying the Ravens as being any good. Sure, they beat Cincy (who hasn't?) and Cleveland (ugh). But when finally faced with a good team last week, they folded in overtime. I think the Titans are even better than Pittsburgh, and Chris Johnson will run his 4.2 40-time all over the old BAL defense. The Ravens will struggle against Albert Haynesworth and company, and this one will be Joe Flacco's welcoming party. Honeymoon is over. This one is by a touchdown.

Buffalo (+1) over Arizona

This one seems too good to be true. The Bills are 4-0, have a stellar defense and can run all over their opponents with Marshawn Lynch and Freddy Jackson. The Cardinals may be without All-Pro receiver Anquan Boldin, and still have Kurt Warner who turned the ball over six (maybe seven?) times last week. Look for Paul P to contain the middle and the Trent Edwards to find Lee Evans at least one time in the end zone. Bills by at least five; take the points.

Dialing the Phone in the Sky

"Really, in all honesty, I love James Walker’s work on the AFC North blog, but that is not an answer. Of course nobody is saying bench Braylon Edwards. Who would take Braylon’s place? Syndric Steptoe? Believe me when I say this, if the Browns had a young first round pick at WR rotting on the bench while Braylon was simply not getting the job done, we’d all be asking for him to take Braylon’s spot. The reality is, that situation doesn’t exist. But what does exist is a young first round draft pick at QB who is rotting on the bench while Derek Anderson plays QB worse than anyone else in the NFL."

A Franchise in Denial [WFNY]

Travis Henry Loves Drugs

It is going to be a lot harder to save up that child support money after this one:

Former Denver Bronco running back Travis Henry has been arrested for trafficking multiple kilograms of cocaine, the federal Drug Enforcement Administration announced today.

Henry and another man, James Mack, were arrested Tuesday after "as a result of a multi-kilogram cocaine transaction" in Centennial, Jeffrey D. Sweetin, Special Agent in Charge of the DEA's Rocky Mountain Division, said in a statement.

Recall that Henry has had several bouts with various substances over the last decade. Somehow, the man managed to play an entire season in the NFL after failing a test for marijuana. Not sure if he will getting out of this one any time soon, assuming the Bengals don't bail him out...

Ex-Bronco Henry arrested after alleged cocaine deal [Rocky Mountain News]